PART FOUR
First things first: another little moment of chitchat with Dick Clark, who asks me if that was a YMCA or a YWCA where I worked. It's a YMCA, I reply, but there
are women members too -- a factoid which gets the audience, apparently easily titilated, chuckling. His misssion accomplished, Clark gives Deacon and me a
quick review of the Pyramid rules, then steps back with the command, "Go!"
The clock starts ticking, the blocks start turning around and revealing their topics, one by one. Richard Deacon is feeding me the clues (in the form of
lists), and I'm getting the answers right, one by one. "Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, Yvonne DeCarlo..." "Famous dancers?" DING! Deacon, the poor man, has
been getting more nervous as the day has progressed, because he's the one who's constantly had the responsibility of helping us civilian contestants in this
Winner's Circle, so far without anyone claiming the jackpot. At one point, Richard Deacon says, simply, "Butterfield..." then seems to be stuck for the
rest of the clue he's trying to give me. Here's another instance of that co-contestant telepathy I mentioned earlier: I end up helping Richard Deacon
feed me the clue, and THEN I give the right answer. I say, "Eight?" He quickly says "Yes," and I say, "Movies With Elizabeth Taylor." DING! and on to the next
one.
I'm still flushing my mind after each "Ding!", so I'm certainly not counting dings, I'm just trying to knock out of the park each ball that Deacon pitches to
me. Comes the moment when Richard Deacon is listing for my clue, "Birthday presents, Christmas presents, anniversary presents..." By way of an answer, I'm
saying, "Things you unwrap? Things with wrapping paper?" Suddenly, like a ship entering the eye of the hurricane, I realize that the ticking has stopped, but
I'm not hearing either the sour buzzer which says I've failed to get all six topics in sixty seconds, or the music which says I've succeeded. There is a lot
of restive commotion and voices out in the audience. What's going on?
Someone, presumably the producer Bob Stewart, can be heard saying, "Go to commercial!" Dick Clark comes up and announces that they're going to have to go
to commercial and get a judges' decision. I ask Richard Deacon if I can turn around yet and look at the block topic I was trying to guess, and he shakes his
head, "No, I wouldn't." Then Deacon, looking at the block and then turning to Clark, says, "If it were up to me, I'd give it to him." It is at this moment,
and not a moment before, that suddenly I think to myself, "Well, what do you know? Maybe I WILL win the big money after all." What I can't see is that the
topic on the top block behind me says, "THINGS YOU WRAP." Now, you may remember, CL had warned us up in Ed's office that we had to be very accurate
when we got to that top spot. And mind you, the show having been on the air only a few weeks, the producers and judges were probably still feeling their way
around their own rules. That's the only reason I can come up with for why they hadn't let me win with my answer of "Things you wrap, things with wrapping paper." And my
hunch has always been that they immediately regretted not doing so, as soon as they gave it the slightest thought. (On the videotape of the show, when Clark
announces that they're going to have to get the judges' decision, several people in the audience can clearly be heard starting to boo.)
When we come back from commercial, however, instead of simply awarding me the prize, they have Clark explain that I was clocked with twelve seconds to go when
that last topic came up, "And, we could argue ad infinitum about what was said, what wasn't said... Instead, the judges have decided to give you another twelve
seconds and another topic..." Richard Deacon, who has been nibbling his fingers and hanging on Clark's every word, suddenly throws his arms up in the air, with
the clear subtext of, "Oh, my God! What the hell are they doing? We're going to have to go through this torture AGAIN?!" Me, I'm just smiling goofily and
going along with the ride of whatever I'm being told.
So, with Clark's best wishes that we'll be able to resume the momentum of a few minutes ago, Deacon and I dig in for the Big Twelve Seconds. The clock starts
ticking again, and Richard Deacon says something along the lines of, "Paper plates, funny hats, streamers..." and I guess, "Things at a party?" and this
time I DO hear the music, plus the roar of the crowd. I'd hit "THINGS AT A PARTY" right on the nose. (As I mentioned earlier, my hunch has always been
that the producers and judges, having realized their mistake, probably very much WANTED me to win, rather than risk a peasants' revolt right there in the Ed
Sullivan Theater by denying me the prize money they should have given me in the first place. Consequently, I've always suspected that, when they allotted me
those extra twelve seconds, they chose one of the easier topics they usually used at the beginning of the sixty seconds to get the ball rolling, not one of
the tougher topics reserved for the very last make-or-break moment of the game. I've even amused myself with a fanciful image of the producers and judges on their knees in the control booth, praying, "Oh, please let him get it, please let him get it..." But the more I think about it nowadays, I wonder. If they realized they'd been mistaken
in not giving me the prize the first time around, why didn't they just make THAT their "judges' decision" when they came back from commercial? Would it have
been somehow poor form for them to admit their fallibility to the viewing audience? Because, if you think about it, they were taking a risk, gambling
that I would get the new topic with the new twelve seconds, IF that's indeed what they wanted to happen. But for all I really know, they were so close to
things that they DIDN'T realize they'd blown it the first time, and maybe they thought they were being supremely Solomon-like and fair-minded in giving me
another twelve-second shot at the Big Prize. I wonder. Is Bob Stewart still around? I wonder if he'd still remember, if I asked him.)
They always ask the happy winner what he's going to do with the money, and this is no exception. But they've used up so much time on this last-minute replay
that the sound of music suddenly drowns out my reply when I answer truthfully, "I never thought about it, because I never thought I'd win." In my jubilation, I
stand up and offer to switch seats with Richard Deacon so that I can return the favor. Kaye Ballard comes over to congratulate me, and I lie through my teeth,
telling her I'm sorry I won so soon because this means now I won't get to play the game with her. (Minutes earlier, on my way up to the Circle, I'd been
totally sincere when I told nice Mrs. Gingham that I felt sorry that I'd had to beat her, but she shrugged me off with a dear smile.)
Totally exhausted, Richard Deacon stands up and says, "Well, now you can BUY the damn YMCA!"
POSTSCRIPT:
Among the friends I phoned to share the good news was my former Boston room-mate Larry, then studying Law at Harvard. When I said, "Larry, I just won the Ten
Thousand Dollar Pyramid," he said, "No shit." Then, after a pause, he quickly added, "You're going to need a good tax lawyer." So I asked him, "Are you
studying to be that kind of a lawyer, too?" and Larry answered, "It's the only course I got good grades in." So, Larry crunched the numbers for me, averaged
out my income over a period of years, with the result that I paid to the government only $1,500.00. Next, I donated a chunk of the prize-money to my
mother, with whom I'd recently been living, so that she could take care of some Jones family bills that had been piling up. A year later, I took the remainder
of the prize money with me when I moved from Connecticut to Los Angeles. And this will tell you all you need to know about inflation: I lived off that
remaining money for a little over a year. In any case, I always tell people to this day that I came to California "on a grant, from The Ten Thousand Dollar Pyramid."