My vote has to be for the U.S. version of "The Cube."
When I first heard that CBS had picked up this amazing show -- and that none other than NPH himself was going to host -- I couldn't help but think we'd finally found a new champion of the prime-time, big-bucks game show. It started good enough: NPH stared directly into the camera and uttered the catchphrase, "Do you have what it takes ... to beat The Cube?" But just about everything after that during the show's dismal four-week run was a disaster.
Sure, the show was recorded in Fountain Studios with a bona fide cube. But that was about the only similarity. Casting Gilbert Gottfried as the voice of The Cube was not the smartest move, and the American cube was simply far too sassy and confrontational to be enjoyable. Remember when our first Barrier contestant tried to emulate the famous British moment by taking off his pants ... and Gottfried/Cube bellowed, "Love the legs, bozo."
And the producers couldn't resist the American siren song of sob stories and tear-jerker moments. What about that time in Direction when, while that young woman was trying to cross the cube while blindfolded, the producers opened the doors to the cube and reunited her with her long-lost childhood pony? At least the outtake of the pony pooping on the high-tech floor provided a fresh clip for Bob Eubanks' next "America's Most Funnest Game Show Moments Evar." And maybe it was cute the first time we had a "surprise" phone call from a family member or friend to the player while they were in the cube, but like everything else, it became a weekly occurrence that quickly grew stale.
Let's not even get started on how badly they mucked up the rules to deal with stupid American contestants. Swap the game? All those "extra life" balls scattered throughout the games? And even with all the producers' attempts to have a big winner, seven of the eight contestants we saw still went for broke and went home with nothing. America doesn't like losers.
After the fourth episode came in next to last in the Nielsens -- with a dismal 0.3 rating and a 1 share -- the remaining episodes were shelved, and America mercifully got an early premiere of CBS's next great white hope: "CSI: Torchwood."
