Note to all lurking game show producers: I've already beaten you to creating the perfect game show to attract those valuable young demographics. Sorry.
It's called "The X Show," since X reminds people of both the word "extreme" and porn. It will be pitched as "'Friends' meets 'The Simple Life'" -- it has nothing to do with either of those shows, of course, but obviously, we're trying to get this thing on the air.
All of the contestants will be between 18 and 26 years of age, and all will be physically attractive and outgoing. You'll see why in a moment.
The first round takes place at the in-studio pool, where the contestants will have to complete a stunt of some kind. The stunts will change between episodes... so far, our favorite is the one where the contestants have to dive in, grab a rod, climb out, bend over to untie the cover over a container on the floor, put the rod in the container, then jump up and down to ring a bell five times. The first four contestants to do so move on. Then, over slow-motion replays of the action, the winning and losing contestants narrate how they felt while participating in the stunt, trash-talking their competitors in the process.
After a commercial break, it's time for the second round, the freestyle competition. Each contestant, still in their bathing suit from the pool stunt, will be given an object (such as a zucchini or a can of whipped cream). A dance beat will be piped in, and each contestant will have sixty seconds to do whatever they want with the object while dancing. The audience will vote for the best two dancers. Before the voting process, the host will elaborate in great detail on telling the audience which number to press to vote for each contestant, while clips of each contestant dancing are replayed (hey, we've got 22 minutes we've got to fill here).
After the commercial break, the two remaining contestants, each alone with a camera pointed at them, reflect on what's happened so far while the best action shots are played again. Name-calling will be encouraged.
Another commercial break, the closed-captioning sponsor plugs, the promotional consideration plugs, and then it's time for the last round: "X Words" (Not "crosswords." The letter "X," then "Words"). We've... um... "sampled" this round from Password. The different thing is, the host gives all of the clues, which have been written for him in advance. To be as edgy as possible, each X Word will be slapped onto the screen in an elaborate animation, accompanied by a scream appropriate of somebody participating in an extreme sport. Also, each clue will be screamed by the host, to keep the energy up. For example, if the X Word was "mistake," the host would start by screaming "BONER!" If the X Word was "diaphragm," the host's first clue would be bleeped. The two contestants buzz in to try to identify the X Word. They may buzz in as many times as they wish, anytime they wish. The first contestant to correctly identify three X Words wins.
And what do they win? That's the beauty of it! There aren't any prizes! You just play some loud music, yell that they've won, then immediately end the show! Nobody will notice! During the credits, just show some replays of the first two segments again, maybe with some more vindictive commentary by the losing contestants. Instant hit!
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Scott Robinson
