Family Feud special (Combs) Fan fic

[adamjk]

Those of you at the golden road boards, have already seen this, but for the rest of you enjoy! I originally posted this at the GSN boards BTW. Also, for the most part I made up the questions. Let me know what you think, I have 2 more, though #3 needs to be completed, but if you like, I can post the others too at a later time.

(lights are dimmed)

(MG/HS Hour theme plays)

Gene Wood: Introducing the Match Game team! (big board shows Match Game on it)

With, Gene Rayburn!(Gene bows to the crowd)
(Board now says Gene's name on it)

Richard Dawson! (waves and blows everyone a kiss)
(Board now says Richard's name)

Betty White!(Betty does a little curtsie)
(Board says Betty's name on it)

Brett Sommers!(Brett smiles and waves to the crowd)
(Board says Brett's name)

And Charles Nelson Reilly!(Charles removes his cap, revealing his bald head)
(Board says Charles' name on it)

Playing against, the Hollywood Squares team!
(Board now says Hollywood Squares)

With Peter Marshall!(Waves to the crowd)
(Board has Peter's name on it)

Paul Lynde!(Waves and blows kisses to all)
(Board says Paul's name)

Wally Cox!(Wally smiles and waves)
(Board says Wally's name)

Charly Weaver!(Smiles and bows to the audience)
(Board says Charly's name)

and Rose Marie!(does a small curtsie and waves)

On your Marks!(board rotates, to the blue board thing the show normally has seen at the beginning)

Let's start the Family Feud!(FF main theme starts)
(Board rotates again to the dark side of the board, with Family Feud on it like normal as lights come back up)

With the star of Family Feud, RAY COMBS!

(Ray walks out on stage, to loud ovation)

Thank you so much! Welcome to the Match Game. Welcome to the Hollywood Squares. Welcome to all of watching at home on CBS.

We have a very special week here on Family Feud, as we have the stars of the 70's game show Match Game, taking on the stars of the 70's game show Hollywood Squares. But before we can start feuding, we've got to meet the teams. So let's start by meeting the stars of the Match Game(applause)

Hello Gene.

Gene: Hey Ray. How are you?

I'm just fine, and you sir?

Gene: Just splendid. You did a great job on MG recently.

Ray: Thank you. I did do a good job didn't I?

Gene: Yes you did

Charles: And so modest too.(laughter)


Introduce me to your team would you?

Gene: I'd love to. First of all, we have one of your favorite regulars, Richard Dawson.

Richard: Present(laughter)

Gene: Then we have one of our semi-regulars, Miss Betty White.
Lastly, we have two of the most popular game show personalities, in Brett Sommers, and Charles Nelson Reilly.(applause)

Okay, and Gene what charity are you playing for?

Gene: We are playing for the American Red Cross.(applause)

Alrighty, glad to have you all here. Will you win a lot of money for the Red Cross, as you take on the Hollywood Squares!(applause)

Welcome Peter

Peter: Thank you Ray. It's a pleasure to be here.

Introduce me to your team.

Peter: Okay, first we have our center square, Mr. Paul Lynde. Then we have yet another regular, Wally Cox. We also have Charly Weaver with us. Lastly, we have the lovely Rose Marie(applause)

Okay, Peter, and you're charity please.

Peter: We are playing for the March of Dimes. (applause)

Okay, we wish both teams the best of luck, and it is now time to PLAYYY THE FEUD!
(face off cue plays as Gene and Peter come to the face off podium, and shake hands)

The first team to 300 dollars will win the game, and play fast money where they will have a chance to win $5,000 for their charity. The top 6 answers are on the board to this question.
1
2
3
4
5
6

Name something people buy that is used mostly at night.
(ring)
(Gene rings in first)
Gene.
Gene: Pajamas

Okay, pajamas.
(bing)
$15
1
2
nightgown/pajamas 15
4
5
6

Okay, Peter there are two answers better then that.

Peter: Lights

That's a good one. Lights
(bing)
$40
1
lights/light bulbs 25
nightgown/pajamas 15
4
5
6
(ding ding ding ding)


You have control Peter, play or pass?
Peter: We will play.

Okay. Paul Lynde, something you buy, that is used at night.
Paul: How about a TV?
There's a good one, are you rolling, with TV?
(bing)
$45
1
lights/light bulb 25
nightgown/pajamas 15
TV 5
5
6

$45 up there, and there are 3 answers left. No strikes on you yet. Wally Cox, we are looking for something you buy, that is used at night.

Wally: What about a computer?
(applause)

Okay, did anybody say.. computer?
(buzz)
X

First strike.

We now come to Charly Weaver. How are you sir?
Charly: Great Ray

Good, what do say about this?

Charly: Something a number of people up here, use at night, booze

Okay, we want to see some Booze!
(bing)
$49
1
lights/light bulbs 25
nightdown pajamas 15
TV 5
5
Liquor 4

Okay, now Rose Marie. Something you buy, that you use at night.
Rose Marie: How about the most obvious one. A bed.(applause)

There you go, a bed please
$73
bed 27
lights/light bulbs 25
nightgown/pajamas 15
TV 5
5
Liquor 4

Okay, we are back to you Peter, one answer left up there. What do you say?

Peter: How about a condom?(laughter)

Okay, I would imagine you would use this on your new bed.(laughter) If it's there(laughs) you have swept the board. A condom!
(bing)
$77
Bed 27
lights/light bulbs 25
nightgown/pajamas 15
TV 5
contraceptives 4
liquor 4
(ding ding ding ding)

(Hollywood Squares team celebrate)
You just never know, what will be on the survey, we'll be right back, more Feuding fun on the way.
(cut to commercial)

(Comes back from commercial)
We are Feuding here on CBS. The Hollywood Squares, have $77, Match Game 0, and it is time for another faceoff.
(Faceoff theme plays as Richard and Paul come to the podium)

Richard: Well, we finally meet, you little hamburger(In best Paul Lynde voice)(laughter)

Paul: If I'm a hamburger, then you're a french fry!(laughter)

Richard: That's an English fry to you(more laughter)

Okay, you two settle down now.

The top 5 answers are on the board to this question.
1
2
3
4
5

Name a popular television sitcom.

(ring)
(Richard buzzs in first)
Richard?

Richard: The Simpsons.

Okay, the Simpsons.
(bing)
$43
The Simpsons 43
2
3
4
5

(ding ding ding ding)
Number one!
Play or Pass?
Richard: We will play.
Okay

We come to Betty White, a popular TV sitcom
Betty: Friends
(team shouts good answer)
Okay let's see if our Friends made the survey.
(bing)
$70
The Simpsons 43
Friends 27
3
4
5

$70 up there now, Brett Sommers, what do you say?
Brett: I'll go with Frasier.
Another good one. I happen to like that one. Did it make the survey? Frasier?
$80
The Simpsons: 43
Friends 27
Frasier 10
4
5

Okay, 2 answers left as we come to Charles Nelson Reilly. A popular TV sitcom

Charles: Everybody Loves Raymond.

I would bet that is there, let's see, Everyone Loves Ray(laughs), no Raymond.
(bing)
$90
The Simpsons 43
Friends 27
Frasier 10
Everybody Loves Raymond 10
5

Okay, Gene, there is $90 in that bank, just 1 answer remains, if you can give me that answer, you have swept the board, and taken the lead in the game.

Gene: I'll say my Wife and Kids
(everyone shouting good answer)
Okay, if My Wife and Kids, not mine(laughter) is there, you have swept the board, if not first strike. My wife and Kids?
(bing)
$95
the Simpsons 43
Friends 27
Frasier 10
Everybody Loves Raymond 10
My Wife and Kids 5
(ding ding ding ding)
We've got ourselves a good game going here, and we will continue it, in just a moment, please stay with us.
(cuts to commercial)

[adamjk]

We are back. The Match Game team has $95. The Hollywood Squares, are close behind with $77, and we have another face-off.
(face-off music plays, as Wally and Betty come to the podium)

We surveyed 100 people, and the top 5 answers are on the board to this question.
1
2
3
4
5
Name something you do when you get up in the morning.
(ring)
(betty rings in first)
Betty.
Betty: Take a shower.

Okay, let me see shower.
(bing)
$24
1
shower/bathe 24
3
4
5

Okay, stay right here. Wally, there's one answer better then that.
Something you do when you get up in the morning.

Wally: How about, eat breakfast.
(applause)
Alright, is it number 1, to eat breakfast?
(bing)
$54
Eat 30
shower/bathe 24
3
4
5
(ding ding ding ding)
It sure is. Wally, play or pass?

Wally: We are going to play this one Ray.

Alright, Betty go back over with your teammates. They are playing.

Alright, Charly Weaver, we need something you do when you get up in the morning.

Charly: I will say, have a cup of coffee.
(good answer shouted by teammates)

Richard: Excuse me Ray?

Yes Richard.

Richard: I need to leave, I didn't have my cup of coffee yet. (starts to walk off)(laughter)

Get back here Richard(laughing)

Okay, (laughing) do you add to the bank, with have a cup of coffee?
(bing)
$60
eat 30
shower/bathe 24
3
4
have a cup of coffee 6

Okay, 2 answers left $60 there in that bank. Rose Marie, something you do when you get up in the morning.

Rose: I will say......
3 seconds

Rose: Buy a newspaper.

Okay, are you rolling with, buy a newspaper?
(buzz)
X
Nope, only your first strike though.

Peter?
Peter: This has got be up there, read the paper.
Okay, let me see read the paper.
(bing)
$73
Eat 30
shower/bathe 24
read the paper 13
4
have a cup of coffee 6

Okay, Paul one answer left, 1 strike on you. Something you do when you get up in the morning.

Paul: Watch TV.

Okay, do you take the bank, with watch Tv?
(buzz)
XX

Get Ready over there Match Game.

Alright Wally, you started this, and you can finish it. You have 2 strikes on you. What do you say?

Wally: Ray, I brush my teeth.
(applause)
Okay, good to know you don't have bad breath(laughter). If it's there, you have taken the bank, if it's not, the Match Game will get a chance to steal. Brush your teeth.
(buzz)
XXX

Okay, you could steal $73 if you can tell me the one remaining answer. What do you say Charles?

Charles: dress up

Okay Brett

Brett: go on the computer

Betty

Betty: Go to work

And lastly Richard: get dressed

Okay Gene, listen to your team, you can go on your own, or with your team.
(team shouting answers)
(buzz buzz)
Okay, I'm gonna call for calm. What do you say Gene?
Gene: I'll go with go to work.

Alright, do you steal the bank, with go to work?
(buzz)
X
(ding ding ding ding)
Match Game, you could have taken that bank, had you said number 4 on our survey.
(bing)
eat 30
shower/bathe 24
read the paper 13
get dressed 10
have a cup of coffee 6

Okay, the score is now the Hollywood Squares $150, the Match Game $95, and it is time for yet another faceoff.
(face off music plays as Brett and Charly come up to the podium)
Okay, we have doubled the dollar values for this question. Hollywood Squares, should you take this question all the way out, you could win the game, and play for the $5,000. The top 4 answers are on the board.
1
2
3
4
Name some news that is so exciting, you want to shout it to the world.
(ring)
(Brett rings in first)
Brett: You're getting married.
Okay, marriage.
(bing)
$72
1
married/engaged 36
3
4

Okay. stay right here Brett. Charly, there is 1 answer better, news that is so exciting, you want to shout it to the world.

Charly: You're pregnant.
I am? Well thanks for telling me, didn't know I could have a child(laughter)

Charles: You could have fooled us Ray. (laughter)

Okay(laughing) you're(meaning Charly) having a baby(laughter)
(bing)
$176
new baby 52
marriage/engaged 36
3
4
(ding ding ding ding)
Number 1!
Richard: Ray?

Yes Richard.

Richard: I think you may be on to something there, look at the size of Charly's stomach. I think he is pregnant(laughter). Better get a move on, or his water might break.(more laughter)

Charly: I wasn't always this way you know.(laughter)

Richard: Sure you weren't that's great(sarcastically)(more laughter)

(everyone is in hysterics at this point)

Okay, Charly, or should I call you Charlita(more laughter) Play or Pass(laughing)

Charles: If Charly's pregnant, couldn't Paul be the father?(more laughter)

Paul(comes up to Charly, and rubs his belly) We're so proud!(more laughter)

Get back to your team Paul! (everyone is still in hysterics)

Okay, Charly(trying to contain himself) Play or Pass?

We will play.

Okay, now remember Hollywood Squares, if you take this question all the way out, you win the game.
(everyone has now recovered, and is back to normal)

Rose, we need some news that is so exciting, you want to shout it to the world.

Rose: You're buying a car.
That's not bad, but did it make the survey? Buying a car?
(buzz)
X

Nope, first strike. Peter?

Peter: How about buying a house?
Okay, will you increase the bank, with buying a house?
(buzz)
XX

That's 2 strikes.
(MG team is huddling)

Paul, there are 2 strikes up there, and 2 answers left. I need news that is so exciting, that you want to shout it to the world.

Paul: I will say, getting a pet.

Okay, if getting a pet is there, you are okay, if it's not there, the Match Game will have a shot to steal. Are you still alive, with getting a pet?
(buzz)
XXX

Okay, Match Game, $176 up there. You need this to stay in the game.

Charles, I need some news that is so exciting you want to shout it to the world.

Charles: You won the lottery

won the Lottery, Brett?

Brett: won lottery

same thing, and Betty.

Betty: I'll go with them and say you win the lottery.

Okay, and Richard.

Richard: You've graduated from school
Graduated. Okay Gene, listen to your teammates now
(team shouting out answers)
(buzz buzz)
Okay, everyone quiet now. Gene you can go on your own, or with your team here, remember you need this to stay in the game. What do you say?

Gene: I'm gonna go with the majority here, and say that you win the lottery.
(applause)
Alright, if lottery is up there, you will have taken the bank of $176, and we will move like lighting to try and get to the Fast Money. If it's not there, the Hollywood Squares have won this game, and will play Fast Money for $5,000. Do you stay in this game, with winning the lottery?
(bing)
new baby 52
married/engaged 36
winning money 4
4
(ding ding ding)
Hollywood Squares, this could have kept you rolling, if you would have said number 4.
(bing)
new baby 52
married/engaged 36
winning money 4
become "born again" 2

Match Game $271
Hollywood Squares $150

[adamjk]

(face off music plays as Charles and Rose come to the podium)
Okay, here we go. This will decide the game. We have tripled the dollar value. The top 3 answers are on the board.
1
2
3
Listen carefully, I'm only gonna read this once. Name a food you put syrup on.
(ring)
(Charles rings in first)
Charles: Pancakes.
Pancakes!
(bing)
$270
pancakes 90
2
3
(ding ding ding ding)
Number 1!
Play or Pass?
We'll play.

Okay, whoever takes this question all the way out, will win the game, and play Fast Money for $5,000 for their charity. Gene?
Gene: Sausage
Okay, let me see sausage.
(buzz)
X
First strike, as we come to Richard now.
Richard: How about waffles?
There's a good one, is it there? Waffles.
(bing)
$291
pancakes 90
waffles 7
3

Alright, it all comes down to you Betty. There is 1 answer left up there, if you give it to me, you will play for the $5,000, if not, it's your second strike.
Betty: I'll go with ice cream.
(applause)
Okay, do you win the game with ice cream?
(bing)
pancakes 90
waffles 7
ice cream 2
(FF winning music plays)
Match Game: $566
Hollywood Squares: $150
(Match Game team celebrates)
(FF theme plays)
Peter, you guys played a good game, and you won $150 for the March of Dimes. Hope you have better luck the rest of the week. Stay right where you are.

Okay, I need two people, for Fast Money and a shot $5,000.
(Gene comes and stands next to Ray, while Brett goes off to the soundproof booth)

Okay, when we come back, Gene and Brett are gonna go for $5,000 for the American Red Cross, right after this.
(cuts to commercial)

(comes back from commercial)

Okay, we are back, the Match Game won the game, and now will have a shot at $5,000 in fast money. Gene your partner Brett is in a soundproof booth, she cannot see or hear anything.

Charles: And we can't see or hear her. Thank God!(laughter)

(laughs) Gene, if you and Brett can get 200 points between you, you will win $5,000 for the American Red Cross. Okay? I need 15 seconds on the clock please.
(ding)
The clock will start after I read the first question, good luck.

Besides eggs, name something you put in an omelette

Gene: Cheese
(clock starts)

Name a popular fast food chain.
Gene: Mcdonald's

Name a popular color of carpeting.
Gene: Tan

Name an expensive car
Gene: Cadillac

Name the year most teenagers start driving.
Gene: 16
(ding ding ding ding)

Okay turn around.
I asked you to name something in an omelette besides eggs. and you went with..
cheese



Cheese, what did our survey say?
(ding)
cheese 21



21

Not a bad start. Then I asked you to name a popular fast food chain, and you chose
cheese 21
Mcdonald's


21

Mcdonald's. Survey said..
(ding)
cheese 21
Mcdonald's 17



38

17, you have 38 points. We wanted you to name a popular color of carpeting, and you liked.
cheese 21
Mcdonald's 17
tan

tan. What did the survey think?
(ding)
cheese 21
Mcdonald's 17
tan 7

45

Only 7. Maybe you made up for it with this next one. An expensive car. You said a Cadillac.
cheese 21
Mcdonald's 17
tan 7
Cadillac

45

What did the survey say?
(ding)
cheese 21
Mcdonald's 17
tan 7
Cadillac 30

75

BAM!

Finally, we wanted the age when most teenagers start driving, you said.
cheese 21
Mcdonald's 17
tan 7
Cadillac 30
16

16 years old. What did our survey say?
cheese 21
Mcdonald's 17
tan 7
Cadillac 30
16 42
117
BAM! You got 117 points, go back over there with your teammates, clear the board, as we bring out Brett.
(Brett comes out on stage)
Okay, Brett Gene got 117 points.

Brett: That's wonderful, if we win, I'm taking you to Incino.(laughter)

Okay(laughs) Brett, you need 83 points for the $5,000. I am gonna ask you the same 5 questions. You cannot duplicate Gene's answers, if you do you will hear this:
(buzz buzz)
And you will have to give another answer okay? Let's reveal the answers your partner Gene gave. 20 seconds on the clock.
(ding)
Good Luck. Bring it home.

Besides eggs, name something you put in an omelette.
Brett: Cheese
(buzz buzz)
Try again
Brett: Sausage

Name a popular fast food chain.
Brett: Wendy's.

Name a popular color of carpeting
Brett: Brown

Name an expensive car.
Brett: Lincoln Continental.

Name the age when most teenagers start driving
Brett: 15
(ding ding ding)

Okay, turn around Brett, did you get 83 points for the money?

We wanted something in an omelette besides eggs, you said.
sausage



117

What did our survey say?
(ding)
sausage 13



130

Cheese was #1. You are 70 points away.

We wanted a popular fast food chain, and you chose
sausage 13
Wendy's



130

What did our survey think?
(ding)
sausage 13
Wendy's 46



176
BAM! #1 answer. You need just 24 points for the $5,000.

We asked you to name a popular color of carpeting. You went with
sausage 13
Wendy's 46
brown

Brown. Did 24 people say it for $5,000? What did the survey say?
(ding)
sausage 13
Wendy's 46
brown 15


191
White was #1. You need just 9 points for the $5,000.

An expensive car. Can you bring it home with
sausage 13
Wendy's 46
brown 15
Lincoln Cont

191

Lincoln Continental. If just 9 people said it, you have $5,000 for the Amercian Red Cross. What did our survey say?
(ding)
sausage 13
Wendy's 46
brown 15
Lincoln Cont 49

240
You have won $5,000 for the American Red Cross!
(FF win cue plays)
(MG team rushes over and hugs Brett and celebrate)\
We're coming right back, stay with us.
(cut to commercial)

(comes back from commercial)
We are back. The Match Game has won a total of $5,566 for the American Red Cross. The Hollywood Squares won just $150 for the March of Dimes. But these two teams will be back tomorrow, to battle it out on day 2 of this special week. Until then, this is Ray Combs saying, we will see you next time here on the Family Feud. Have a great day everyone.
(Main theme plays)

Promotional consideration provided by
hershey candy corp
hoover
black and decker
Aerobed
Sony

Gene: This is Gene Wood speaking for Family Feud
A
Mark Goodson
Television production

Family
Feud.

[clemon79]

That was...uh....that was.....hmmm, ahem....yes, that was.....

Something. That's what that was. Definitely something.

[adamjk]

What do you mean? Do you mean that in a good way or a bad way?

[clemon79]

I mean that in a.......wow. That was DEFINITELY something.

[Don Howard]

And there are two more of these, you say?

[adamjk]

Yes, though one is not done. I was planning on doing a whole 5 day week of it, and maybe do it regularly after that, with normal families. I also did a MG game show hosts edition. Though not all the material is my own on that.

[Kevin Prather]

1) Why would an early-90s game show be talking about My Wife and Kids?

2) Why was Brett buzzed for saying "15" when Gene said "16"?

3) Why would Richard Dawson be representing MG if he left the show because he hated it?

4) Do you get out much?

Other than that, it was...um...well....you see....um....yeah, it was....uh.....Chris, tell him what it was.

[adamjk]

First of all, this all meant for fun purposes, it's not supposed to be real. Secondly, I'm basing the questions as if the show was happening today,

[adamjk]

I will fix the mistake though

[clemon79]

[quote name=\'whoserman\' date=\'May 2 2004, 07:44 PM\'] uh.....Chris, tell him what it was. [/quote]
 Something. Really QUITE something.

[tyshaun1]

It's wrong! Completely wrong! Don't you know that on Ray's version, there's no pass or play option?! Ban this man from the boards!

Seriously, I agree with Chris, I don't know what to think of this "program", either. So bad it's good, perhaps? Maybe, but I didn't think it was that good. Speechless, I am.

Tyshaun

[adamjk]

Let me ask one thing, what is it about this, that is so bad?

[dzinkin]

I'm just going to say one thing... if this piece of -- uh, something -- can be posted, then there is nothing to bar me from posting an all-new edition of Who Wants to Be a Moronionaire.  And I think J.W. and I can agree that this is prime contestant material.